The Poetry I thought was lost

                                                           

Home to you, home for good

Unrestricted haven in the sullen slow

My hair grows in hopes to be braided

My legs move in hope of finding

Finding the patch that needs to sow

Running, running to take me back

Take me back, take me back, take me way back

To those moments of deep thoughts

To those sleepless nights full of fun

To the lazy days of dogs, covers and the mixed smell of you and I

My timid child side

My trickling braveness for that fight

But my blindness leaves me at halt

And I sit there listening to my heartbeat

Seems like the sound of a song I used to sing out loud

Running, running to take me back

Take me back, take me back, take me way back

To those moments of deep thoughts

To those sleepless nights full of fun

To the lazy days of dogs, covers and the mixed smell of you and I

I understand my fallen dream

To wake up submersed in that fear

Wearing what is lost as the latest style

To appreciate that I am just in a dream

Understanding

With the help from one of my favorite artist (Edvard Munch) can this entry be amplified to the point of understanding my thoughts. Because it all makes sense in my little head, but it translates different to the world. I used to write poetry so frequently, and people used to love it, but no one really comprehended what it meant to me.

Today's release:

How do I understand you when all you do is scream? I don't want to understand you. I don’t need to unravel you. I don’t need to solve that puzzle. Your complexity is not my problem to solve. We aim to get along and reach some kind of agreement. An unspoken agreement of concluded modesty.  But we are not modest and we are not cordial. We are reacting mechanisms to an instant trigger. We can’t help but to have depth to our emotions, a root to our actions and, a stem of our self-awareness. Because how self-aware are we? I’d like to think I know where it mostly stems from for me. However, in the end that is my own perception and based on the present level of awareness. How accurate can I possibly be, if I am already predisposed? There are these notions of knowing ourselves to improve us. Well, I call the bluff! It’s utter bullshit. People can be so aware of who they are, doesn’t mean they will change. They can still be the same manipulating idiot, just now with a self-aware idiot title.

Live and let live

CC

Rainbow

My little Rainbow Lorikeet, a work in progress, much like my degree. I know I am not the best painter, but the things I do are just to clear my head. The things I try to create come from an emotional place. I suppose these little artistic things mitigate the stress I may feel. My outlets are boundless, as am I. It's so hard at times to navigate through all these emotions. But this is life and I am in it and I am trying to swim with it and not against it. I have given in to Brisbane, I know it's expensive here. However, I have managed to feel acclimatized. Now, 7 bucks for coffee and a muffin is not so bad. I am going to love being back in NY and finding everything so damn cheap.
You do learn some much about yourself being far away from your usual environment. I know the things I need to work on and I am finally acknowledging my strengths and trying to expand upon them. I am just trying to be happy, although, so much of my happiness is in NY. I have heard so many stories of how people get to where they are in life and now I appreciate my not so so straight forward road. I may have taken some turns and gotten lost along the way, but I know the results I want and I shall accomplish them. I finally, in my 29 years of age are starting to feel like an adult and like I am finally solidifying my dreams. I am glad I didn't let fear get the best of me. As uncomfortable as it may feel sometimes, those moments are what really mold us.


CC

My work in progress. This type of mapping, which maps the causes of problems, will forever be engraved as a cognitive map in my head. If there is one thing I will get out of this course is to think beyond the microcosm of the problem environment. Thanks Bob! Cheers!

The simple things

what will this state of mind do?

Australia

Here I am in the beautiful city of Brisbane, in Australia, pursuing a Masters in Environmental Management. I didn't think I would get here so soon, actually I didn't think I would get here at all. but I am here. I have my doubts, pressures, insecurities, and most of all I have myself to deal with. I am not the best advocate for my success. I'm hoping this experience will help me feel different about myself. I think it already has, to an extent, but the road has just begun. It's not the same when you're out there in the world on your own. This will probably be the most memorable experience in my life.
About a week ago I got to see the north of this country, Airlie Beach. I got to visit the Great Barrier Reef and it was more than I ever expected it to be. It took my breath away. I teared in my snorkel goggles, haha(I really did!). I never appreciated marine ecosystems as I have and will do so from now on. I feel as though the more I will travel around this beautiful country, the more I will want to stay. I am considering my future here, but it's too soon to say. I have come to a point in my life where there are many other variables to consider based on time. I am not in my early twenties and I am certainly not a teenager anymore. The choices I make are solely based on these socially influenced time-lines, sad but true. People talk about having it all, but somewhere you have to make a choice and something gets either dropped for the moment or for the rest of your life....I hope I get to do what I have set out to do. I didn't want to be here, where I would look back at my life and say "should have done this, should have done that", I never want to regret. I just want to keep looking forward and keep moving, trying to win against time.


CC