Where do I stand?

Its about ten years now that I have been involved in this academic bubble. Part time and full time, I was living it, and it consumed so many of my thoughts and actions. Sometimes I think so much went by in between this time. Where was I really? Who was I really? and who did I really interact with? I come out thinking of all these different faces and places that I lived, but it all feels like it happened in seconds, not enough time for me to remember anything. But so much went on in almost ten years; broken hearts, broken friendships, lust and love convoluted into something I could not handle on my own. Here I am in the present thinking of the past. Without my past I wouldn't be the reconstructive person I worked so hard to be. I have been stripped down over and over again. I would like to think epiphany will suddenly appear from all this, instead I just find myself in an unstable emotional place. A place that needs tendering to, a place I viewed as the light at the end of the tunnel but never thought I would reach that end. Here I am just a few steps away from the light and it scares me more than the dark tunnel ever did.